Intertoids Tale Ten: Journey of Infinite Earths

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Interoids was a bizarre fanfiction project created by Natalie Neumann that helped launch her passion for passion for writing fiction. Natalie does not recommend that you try to read the original work due to its low quality, structural issues, and grammatical errors. Instead, she encourages you to read the summary included in Volume 05: Intertoids of The Saga of Vincent Dawn and Volume 01: Intertoids of Natalie Rambles About The Saga of Vincent Dawn to better understand the content of this novella.


“There is something inherently disappointing about obtaining what one desires, by doing no actual work. The convenience of one action ends up affecting the final product through means that are truly irrational. But here I am, the most cleansed individual, and I am feeling this irrational emotion. I always valued the fight, but could I, in the end, fighting for the sake of fighting.”

“I have everything I want, but I can always get more. Within one day, I can go from a rock revolving around a star, to the one who revolves the suns themselves.” Thought President Doctor Onion Joseph, as he sipped a beverage through what looked like a mug made from skin. He secured this beauty back during the first contact, back in the fifty-second day of his reign, his very dawn. He began the cleansing on his 370th day, with less than stellar reactions from the Fems. Yet now? They’re beneath his feet, at least 90% of them. It was the Noon of his era, and about the 700th day. He was at his prime, and willing to secure his true thrown, not around people, to be the one who controls all people.

He was in the ceremonial rags from the start of his empire, the discarded skin of the first attackers, preserved right down to the poop they made as he electrocuted them. He was prepared to set his army through the portal that spontaneously appeared. It lead to a large field, the perfect place to begin his storm on an entirely different world. He had no finite supply of Bricks, he had Boars cramming through the entire capital as well, he would just need to point, and he would all but win. They were nothing but the remaining Fems from what he had seen, and now, he would go all out and complete his purification process. Not of merely Fems, but all that is not his vision of the world.

“A conquest can not be launched out of greed, there must be a goal, an ideal. Might comes not from numbers, but from their ability. However, raw power can be one’s weakness, and our greatest strength. We shall inflict everything sent back by ten fold, and then we will take the place of the fallen, and gain their might. We do not wish to fight, but when threatened, mercy shall not be shown, we have seen their actions, and they have lost all rights for committing them. Their rights have been sacrificed, and they will be punished.” Thought Mina the Longest, as she donned her armor. It was an elite soldier’s uniform with no extras attached, she was just a soldier for now, she would fight the sam as her people, all united for one goal, get what these penis wielding Carriers called Fems. After all, they had been given a portal to another world, right in the city square, where one claimed a Zanker was grabbed, the first mistake of the Bricks they were aware of.

They had created a class system where the men who were turned into their proper form, only served as a means to reproduce. Now, they could get proper life forms who would be willing to think, and these inferior lifeforms were committing genocide upon them! They did not even see themselves in their Carriers, but what would you expect from a race that turns its own people into objects, she at least kept treating the Carriers as livestock. She took up her staff and was ready to rain some death on some hateful lifeforms, although something was missing. She had lost her companion of Raiyne, one who promised to be with her through the worst of times, and this was pretty much the definition of such an occurrence. Regardless, she drew a recently cleaned animal horn to her lips, and blew through it with all the air she stored in her lungs. She then secured herself in a nearby Centaur-set and all of the Zankers rode off, to act as god’s hand among the unworthy.

At the same time, both armies ran through their mysterious portals, enlarged through means respective of their society. The Bricks used metal bars to make it bigger, the Zankers used braces supported by magic. Both had been called off, and they met in the portal, simultaneously for all. When the first Brick eager for blood, and the first Zanker eager for honor in the battlefield, both touched the portal, it was as if the universe froze, fast forwarded, rebooted, and then started up at half speed.

The time had come, earlier than any of them expected, and it was their fault. He did not have enough time, he was working on number 215 out of 256, with a time limit that never predicted this medling.

Onion Joseph had been told one thing since he met the familiar looking man. “Your mind will be given all the answers when the four goes into itself. It’s just like a game, go through level to level until you get to the end.” He had no idea what it meant, but he was ready, his world had been deserted, and it was this or the great unknown. He was in a room where it was black, , except for a rainbow assortment of different doors. He had no real direction, so he just picked the red one, because why not.

Scenario One:
Onion was in quite a pickle, to say the least. We was surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves, and was nearly out of breath to flee from them. He wagged his tail and merely prayed, as if there was a greater power that could help him. He was just a Pomeranian in an urban jungle, with all the humans missing, what else could he do, he was in a concrete corner. Then an elephant feel from the sky, crushing the wolves like they were tin cans. Onion then instinctively wagged his tail, and started to lick the elephant, which provoked it to eat Onion in his adorable new body.

Once inside of the elephant’s mouth, Onion felt himself lose consciousness for a second and he was now an elephant. He just knew it the instant he opened up his eyes. And he knew he was an elephant who wanted some meat, and there were pigs near the south, so he could get some there. He began moving his powerful legs, still dripping with wolf blood, over to the pigs. There were four fat pigs covered in various sauces, and he ate all of them. He was not even thinking at this point, he was merely acting. And as he began to wonder what exactly he was doing, he felt himself catch on fire, with a message saying, “End of lifespan!” rolling across his eyes. Onion then passed out the instant afterwards.

Scenario Two:
Onion felt himself dripping with some liquid. It was thick and gooey, but he couldn’t quite name it. Hell, he could not even see it. He was blind now, and he could not move his limbs, or even feel anything except the mud. Onion , without even thinking about it, asked if he could feel and see again. Like clockwork, he now could, and he was in a park. He looked down at his body, since he still only felt mud, and that made sense, since he was covered in the stuff. Onion tried to swat it away, but he realized that there was nothing to swat away, he was just mud now.

Onion questioned this out loud, only to hear people scream out, “He’s here, the Muddy Buddy is here!” It was people who were fat and skinny, men and women, children and adults, even a few quadriplegics, meaning 200. In fact, most people were devoid of limbs, and being pushed by what appeared to be people with bums for faces. Before Onion could react, he was assaulted by all of them, and within a minute, he could feel all of them. In fact, everyone ate part of him, since he was mud, and now, he felt all of the quadriplegics, right before they all creamed their equivalent ot knickers.

As the massive wave of orgasms all hit Onion at once, like being hit with 200 wooden blocks, his viewpoint, which had vanished due to the chap who was greedy and ate his eyes, shifted to one of the sky. However, as he got once again accustomed to sight, he felt his very essence being pulled up, higher, and higher, until he was at something that looked like the traditional depiction of Heaven.

He stopped right in front of the oft praised golden gates, only to feel a sharp pain in his lower back. He managed to turn his head 180 degrees and noticed that doves were flying out of his ass, and eating him alive. Wait, he’s a ghost now, so they must’ve been coming out of his ghost bum. It was so fast, that right after he noticed, his skin vanished in the time it took him to blink, or at least try to. And seconds after that, he now felt all the doves, since he was eaten by each and everyone of them. But as soon as he got used to yet another differing body, or rather bodies, he felt himself be expelled from the doves, via their bird poo-poo. Onion Joseph had transformed into literal poop!

He was neEring the point where he was going to try and feel himself as poo, since he apparently always had nerve endings, only for the sensation to leave him, along with all the others. In a move that made the ordeal pointless, Onion Joseph was now in the basic image of hell, what with the fire, brimstone, demons, and the who ding-a-long-a-rona-bingers. And right in front of his face was the muscular horned definition that most would view as the devil, who placed his hands on Onion Joseph’ shoulders, and has one thing to say, “BUY A GAMECUBE, OR BE RAPED BY MY GENETALS, WHICH ARE A GAMECUBE!”

Scenario Sixty Four
Johnny Handsome was the Miggity Miggity MacDaddy of the late night orgy fest. Boy had a dick so fine that even the rats were offering their pussies to it. Dayum, the head Nigg had his cock draggin’ on the floor for his hoes to try and lick fo’ he whipped their firm phat @$$es. Boi had the N-tire citay at its knees, suckin’ him like he was the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, and even the twelfth cummin’.

From his Bomb-@$$ shades, to his purple leather pimp jacket with panda fur on the sides to show how much swag dis Nigga got. ‘Cept fo’ one prob he be havin’. Yo see, some high class half-Jap-Cracka-Oriental-Injin-Bayou-Commie-Nazy-Mofo named Onion Joseph. Nah, ya see dat we gots a prob up in the main man’s crib. Ain’t gonna be no brotha from a thousand mamas takin’ ovah dis swag-a-land, we gotta ‘fend up our turf! So, Johnny Handsome gots a plan. He flip down diz suckah witta daynz-off.

Dayn da pizzant show up, and he ain’t got no swagger up in his pack, he ain’t even packin’ shit worth being in no saucey magz. Mofo be weErin’ a punk-@$$ T wit sum bonah-@$$ dil-hole up his pex. Fuck Ahm Tahkin’ bout? Crackah got nuthin’ but his white-@$$ flab. And Dis MacDawnold Tink he can dooh sheyut?

‘Cept he ain’t got a single look of doubt on dat brown-@$$ face o’ his. Dehn, leik bayum! Teh crackah be bustin’ mo moves den ah evah seen ‘fo, he be flippin from dem walls like a Kagin mofo, and even ‘fo he dun, he served our main homie like a salad, whadevah dah fuck dat iz. Secs after the new mofo is done, eys look back at mah ownah, and he be timid like a piece of fresh puzzy he had picked when she was masquitin’. And leik dat, he be losin’ his Trayd-Marxed Penis.

Ahn when ah says he be losin’ his fun rug, Ah mean he be losin’ it all. In a sec or two, he lost everythang, not even a pussy ‘fo him to fuck wit no mo. And the crackah, he be getting a dick that made Johnnay’s look like a dayum growth. It was the size of a moto-syclar, dan a car, den a house, den, I dun fuckin’ know, it goawdayumed crushed me like I was a white ass girl under a black piece of work, ya know what Ah be sayin’ Grrrl? Ah well, ‘tleast his dick be supah fly.

Scenario Two Hundred Fifty Four:
It was merely just another night shift, sun was dying down in the west, and my team and I were getting our lightstones out to illuminate through the thick fog. We were sent out to look for loose Carriers, but so far we just found three, and after seven day cycles, that was less than stellar. I sighed and journeyed forth through the thick murky sludge that filled this swamp. With my boots made of massive reptile scales, my feet were safe from being infected by the oodles of diseases that lied in here. almost surprised that the Carriers would dash out, stark naked like a freshly gutted sow, and dive into this batch of waste and trash. Oh lord, do not even talk to me about the odor. It was as if the capital’s accumulated waste over the past decade had been mixed with the corpses of its residents.

As a waddled through the caliginous mix of a sewer and swamp, I encountered my first form of resistance in quite some time, a toad the size of a cabin for four. It was wandering around splashing the fatal liquid in waves that passed a good body’s length. I could have either snuck around the creature, praying that I would not get assaulted. Or I could attempt to throw a few spells in the toad’s mouth, perhaps setting its entrails ablaze. I ended up doing neither.

My surroundings were replaced with a light of the purest white. For a second, I thought that the battle might have begun as I was away, and we were hit by some explosive the size of a mountain. However, the numb pain, the ringing of my ears, they were both absent. Instead, my entire body felt, well, good. The stink, the thick air, my own sore body, all of these sensations no longer existed. Then, I saw what I had been searching for a Carrier, no an entire tribe of Carriers.

I readied my spear to try and see if I could take three or four down with my first strike. However, my weapon was missing, along with my clothes. The reptilian scaled armor that I had assembled two days ago was now gone, replaced by a white robe that was likely the softest thing my nerves had ever felt. I was always more of a rough individuals, fighting my way to the top, but now, I just wanted to sit down, and take a nap. Even the fact that the Carriers were no longer in chains, and now in similar robes to mine, I felt no rage, no hatred, just joy. I was in eternal bliss, and I just seemed to stand there for an eternity, and I then saw the face of a Carrier, one bald and skin of tanned leather. It smiled at me, no, he smiled at me, and I felt as if my being was gone. Not removed, just like I had been set free from all limitations, now I was just a spirit lurking in the wind, exhibiting happiness, bliss, and general good feelings. And that was the last thing I “felt”.

Scenario Two Hundred Fifty Five:

It figures that out of the billions of Bricks, I was one of the thousand that was told to keep looking for resistance in the wastes. It was a long day, I was hungry, tired, and nearly out of Testosterone. My mind was feeling like a freshly pummeled rat, as he was oozing his last bit of puss out of his guts. I had been sent back to base, where they planned on placing me out for another shift. I am made to fight, not to patrol for things to fight. They said that was why we were called Bricks.

On my way back to the base, I felt the ground shift beneath my feet, as if an earthquake was about to occur, except it was more direct, as in right beneath me. A blink after I finished that thought, I was knocked on my metal coated tush and was face to face with a giant worm. It was covered in fluids, scraps of metal, and was a good dozen Bricks high, with a ton of it still in the ground. Without even thinking, being a Brick and all, I took up my weapon, and began to fire it while backing away to some chest high walls that scattered everywhere after this bug came up. He screeched until my heEring kicked out, only to dive back down. I knew what this meant, fighting off these worms was a sort of initiation for elite Bricks. Normally three would need to take down one with the help of high powered tech and maximum testosterone for the most agro as their bodies could muster.

Me? I was a soldier in whatever scraps I could pick up, and two guns that shot out whatever could fit in their chambers, with the accuracy and kickback of a shotgun. I knew I was royally boned during this fight, but I could either die a warrior, or live as something as good as a Fem. My fate was sealed before me, as I tapped into the last of my reserved strength, and took my forearm length knife, and slashed the worm’s side, it hardly did anything, with it being nearly three feet in diameter, but after I circled around it, and was coated in the beast’s blood, I was ready for a noble death, the best a sorry piece of shit like me could hope for.

I opened my eyes up again, the worm was gone and… And everything was white, it was almost blinding compared to the soot filled land I lived in since my creation. And with my testosterone completely depleted, I expected to feel like a Fem right before she was turned into a Carrier. Except, nothing felt bad any more. In fact, I do not think I have felt that good in my life. I could not even move, I was so filled with joy and comfort.

My armor was now gone, replaced by some kind of rags, not unlike the Fems used, except it was pure white, and contained a leach of sorts around my neck, and a second covering for my upper area. Even my previously brick-shaped feet were now like a Fems’. I was about to ask why, only to have the question, within my head, tossed back at me. Why was I working as a Brick? Why did I not do something? How could I turn innocent Fe- no, innocent women, into horrific mutations that looked like vehicle tires? How could I move on from this?

“It is not your fault, you had no say in the matter.” I heard from a voice, it was male, but lacked the gruffness I was accustomed to. I looked around and saw a face, it has a texture like the Woman skin that I turned into a loincloth, and was devoid of hair. He looked familiar, but where had I seen him before? Wait, it was President Doctor Onion Joseph before his transformation! I saw pictures of him, but never imagined- My thoughts ended, and were seemingly replaced with no more thoughts, just a feeling, one of joy, or happiness, and one filled with hope. It was as if nothing mattered anymore, and I was freed from a prison. And with that, my mind seemed to cut off into nothingness, forever joyful, and forever free.

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