Intertoids Tale Eleven: Timeless Paradigm

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Interoids was a bizarre fanfiction project created by Natalie Neumann that helped launch her passion for passion for writing fiction. Natalie does not recommend that you try to read the original work due to its low quality, structural issues, and grammatical errors. Instead, she encourages you to read the summary included in Volume 05: Intertoids of The Saga of Vincent Dawn and Volume 01: Intertoids of Natalie Rambles About The Saga of Vincent Dawn to better understand the content of this novella.

Scenario Two Hundred Fifty Six:

Onion had no time left. Through a mixture of several planets drawing closer to one and other, his own meddling with time and space, and the man who saved him traveling in order to get nearly seven billion people into a holding space that, itself, was another realm altogether. He did not even have any idea how this was possible, hell, no one did. Because of some… thing, that crawled into a tablet, and made it into a device of the gods, only to have its power absorbed by some animator.

The world collapsed, was replaced by several others made of his corrupted mind, and then set off balance by Earth being remade. Onion had gone to each and everyone of these Earths to complete some sort of contrived mission, with the last two being ones where he had to destroy the planet itself, along with anyone his friend could not save. Well, let’s not say that so casually, billions were probably dead because of his actions, with only about half of the humans of Earth being saved, with the animals just being there, panicking since they are about to be imploded into what is most likely a black hole.

Now, Onion was on his way to the final of the 257 Earths that were made, and after he leaped for, what he hoped to be, the final time, he was in empty space. The world he was on lacked any real structure, and was just a white room, devoid of walls, furnishing, and inhabitants. Onion seemingly floated across the space, hoping that his enhanced speed would still work in whatever backwards place he was in now.

After what felt like a week’s worth of searching, hoping that it would be seconds in the grand scheme of things, Onion found a door. Plain white, made of what looked like plastic, with a handle to open it. Without even thinking, he jerked the door out, and he found something he had been looking for, the Mediators. Onion’s friend, who he did not know the name of, mentioned these individuals when he first met him. They were representatives of several universes whose appearance altered from person to person. They were the ones in charge of planning how the people from the newly made recreation of the normal Earth, were brought over to the other 256, in order to do… something.

Before Onion could do anything but gasp at how there were millions upon millions of these individuals, all crammed in one giant room, with too many floors for Onion to see. As he was examining this place, he heard a familiar sounding voice, “What are you doing here?” It was one of the mediators, and one who, at least to Onion, looked like a Rory Fingers dressed up like a traditional clown. “Who let this shitstain in?” He shouted at the millions of Mediators, none of which looked quite right to Onion, like someone took him mind and made a world out of everything that was not in there.

“It does not matter, if he’s here, we are too behind schedule to recover, at this rate, we will trash this entire universe, because you incompetent little buggers can’t get anything done right!” Screeched the Fingers look-alike. After which, Onion requested the clown to tell him just what was going on. “Oh, figures, the hero wants an exposition dump at the end! FIne, I’ll tell you everything you want to know! Might as well, seeing as how everything has been ruined, not that you and this Erin Kasindak have been making our jobs a sword up the ass!”

“You know about this guy who we call Nira, spreading himself across the universe, and being taken out by some kid named Erin. Well, we were one of the countless things created by this Nari guy, and we had a job to perform. Reset the univer properly if his plan did not work. We set up rumors across the planets he made to help out in this task, and with his overly contrived series of rules and restrictions, the methods we used were the easiest ones we could execute.”

“To tell you the truth, Nira was being a twat when he made the universe, and even us. There is just so much unneeded shit that when you plot it out practically, anyone can make a better plan. He needed millions of workers, when one, with a button that said, ‘Universe Reset’. But no, he had to make us, single function artificial humans, who need to monitor his insanity. Its like he just wanted some entertainment after his death, and watching us scramble to go through his shitty coding was just thing thing to get his jollies up!”

“Oh, and don’t even get me started with picking out these ‘chosen ones’. Just a bundle of random tossers thrown in a pot, because he thought them a hair keen! Well arses to you chosen fucks! I quit, we all quit! The universe is not worth this amount of trouble, and your little friend has a back-up anyhow. You’ve got Three billion in there, just let up die along with this universe! That’s all we want! You win, go have a wank in the corner, you ugly bald ni-” He was cut off by what sounded like a flock of demonic whales crying out in pain, as they were shot out of a cannon.

Upon looking at it, Onion saw Darkness, it was as if the creature that made the sound was absorbing all light before it, like some sort of… Black… Hole… Bugger! He was too late, and the 257 Earths were collapsing in on each other and- wait, the room filled with the Mediators was collapsing, and he could now see, the solar system, crammed with Earths all forming some sort of sphere, before they are destroyed for good. Wait, before they are destroyed? Then this was not the black hole, it was something else entirely. Before Onion could blink, he felt himself soEring back from the room of the Mediators, and being shot like a bullet, right into the sun.

He was burning as he went towards it, his body strangely not getting hot, or even needing oxygen, wait! Was this something having to do with him being chosen? He did not have enough time to finish that thought before he crashed into the sun of the solar system, and his body losing all feeling. And with that, Onion seemed to stop thinking, and no sign of him seemingly remaining.

Meanwhile, the Mediators were trying to flee from the creature, who was launching thin tentacles at them, tentacles with teeth, and ones that spoke in a grizzled voice, saying things like, “You and all shall become the Spawn!” And “Why fear the inevitable? Embrace it!” The creature was the same one that encompassed Bhaal, it was the Dark-Spawn, now the size of a star.

He rampaged the room, and after a few seconds, barely even a minute, 99% of the mediators were dead, and he only got a bit bigger as a result. However, as the Spawn was cackling with joy, it noticed something with the sun, and it was more than thinking how it would be a good target, it was what he saw happening to it. The sun was growing, larger and larger, eventually encompassing Mercury, Venus, Mars, and obviously, all 257 of the Earths. Only to be followed by a blinding light. He consumed all, and brought them bliss as a reward for their sacrifice. Even those unsaved by Erin.

After the Spawn could see past the light, it saw something it could not believe. The oh-so-prophesied Onion Joseph, was being formed out of the sun, meaning that he, Onion Joseph, was now made out of the sun. He then let out a shout, which caused the closest suns to dash forward, at a speed that likely broke every rule of time and space, and into Onion. The another, and another, and another twelve, and another twenty. Onion was now of an indescribable size, a man glowing with a pure white light, ready to stop the creature that stood before him.

Oh, but the Spawn had a trick up its sleeve, tentacles, whatever, and began screeching to do much the same, except it was from the absence of the suns, from the endless darkness of space, with his voice, like Onion’s being able to break physics, probably due to Nari. Now, with enough from, the Spawn forged itself an appearance of a human, one nearly exactly like Onions, but crawling with little tentacles, as opposed to flames. Now, with their bodies being so large that they could stand on top of the Milky Way itself, they knew how this would need to end, with a battle. The universe was already done for, but Erin had another he made, it was not Earth, but it would be free of things like this Dark-Spawn, who, Onion somehow knew left the universe Erin made, so it could probably get back in. Without exchanging a word, Onion threw a punch at the Spawn, only to have it get caught in its body. Kinda anti-climactic.

Onion struggled to get his fist out, as the Spawn stayed there, stationery. He tried kicking it, punching it from the other side, kicking it down low, all ended the same. The battle had barely begun, and he was already trapped in the enemy. Within a few seconds after his last limb was consumed, Onion was consumed solely by the Spawn, marvelous job.

However, there was still one last glimmer that he saw before he was fully devoured, and he could only hope it would be enough help.

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