Nari’s Log Cycle 08: On Tempo Chatter

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Nari’s Log was a ambitious unfinished sci-fi novella created by Natalie Neumann. Natalie does not recommend that you try to read the original work due to its low quality, structural issues, and grammatical errors. Instead, she encourages you to read the summary included in Volume 06: Nari’s Logof The Saga of Vincent Dawn and Volume 02: Nari’s Log of Natalie Rambles About The Saga of Vincent Dawn to better understand the content of this novella.


The process of waking up in another body was no longer something that I even batted an eyelash at, but that could owe to how I was back in my own. I quickly patted myself down, with my white and black ensemble looking decent enough. I quickly out of my bed, and dashed out to the hallway leading to the Rec Room, but I bumped into someone along the way. After falling right on my rump, I looked around the slick metal interior of the Onmibahn, and my eyes focused on a teenage boy.

He had a darker complexion, charcoal hair slightly longer than mine, and yellow eyes that were enough for me to determine their identity. He was wearing one of those coat-vest things, apparently fashion is common on some planets, or he just found this somewhere. On top of a grey hoodie, with some simple gym shoes and jeans topping it off. But not unlike my own ensemble, they looked to be a bit too small on him, seeing as how the Jeans looked to be an extra layer of skin.

He began to speak up before I could. “Derp! Das Tut Mir Leid Nari-kun! I didn’t see you there, and I’m not used to being this fast.” The voice was as familiar as the eyes and basic skin tone, let alone the speech pattern. “It’s fine Maxxi, let’s just go and see-” “Actually, It’s just Max for right now!” “…Alright, Max. Wait, why exactly did you decide to change genders now?” “Well, I had my baby waiting for three weeks in Omnibahn time, so I kinda wanted to get back to the old Maxxisaurus. Sprechen of which! You wouldn’t happen to like this one a bit better. Trust me, I know how to please and be-” I interrupted his attempt to offer me sex with a solid slap.

“Look Maxxi- I mean Max. I’m thankful for you helping me out by doing our job, even though we messed up, but I recall you being aware of my Asexuality. And even then, I don’t believe I had any homosexual urges back on Earth…” I said, not even aware that I even remembered my old planet’s name. I knew my country first, but then my planet, no clue why, but it was another log thrown on Max’s flame of hyperactivity.

“Ooo! So, you came from a place called Urf? What was it like? I came from a technological Utopier called Bio. I tink I was an ex-pi-er-ment. All I remember about it is puppies growing out from my skin, and a woman sobbing in front of me as she turned into a cheetah-person.” I didn’t respond with word, rather the action of walking out to the Rec Room, while Max was trailing off about his old homeworld. Even though I wouldn’t have much to say, everything seems to be contextual in terms of whatever I recall.

I was greeted by the shag and wood covered, Rec Room, with the only difference being a cream colored sofa and some vending machines in the corners by the giant screen that displayed The Doctor, wearing a blue hat with a buckle and feather through one side. I went to the coach, where I saw Y’vonne laying down, trying to solve a rubik’s cube. Wearing the same green tunic and boot combo as before. What do you say to someone who you nearly died in front of while she was desperately trying to help? I decided that it was just to say, “Hey there.” She jumped a bit, looked at me, and grinned her navy skinned face as her white hair seemed to bob a bit. “Oh, good morning- what am I saying, there are no more mornings. Just segments between Shifts. -Where are my manners, that was the first time you went through a torturous experience, I should try and comfort you.”

She was flustered by the very idea of me coming in, but I think it was due to how she didn’t want to remember the previous… event we experienced together. “Ah, no. It’s fine, sure it hurt like hell, but I’m fine for now.” I said, being as honest as possible, before I felt a second of pressure pound down on my head, as I heard Max’s laughter and saw his bum briefly cover up my field of vision. I waited a second to rub my head and just comprehend what happened. “Di-Did you just leapfrog over my skull?” Max just chuckled in response, before emitting a “maybe”.

Wasting no time, The Doctor began to speak to the three of us, as joyous as ever. “Good day, my employees! Last mission was less than stellar, but good old Jetter managed to fix things in the end, enough to give me a truckload of garbage as a thank you for doing some of the more basic stuff. Still better than your first time, eh Maxpergers?” I turned to Max with a look of bewilderments. Maxbergers? Really?

“Um, Doctor, could you just fill me in on things before we go on. I mean, I’ve still got some questions.” He then made a grumpy face, before shifting it over to a grin shouting out, “Okie Doke! But the rest of you need to chime in now and again!” Max and Y’vonne nodded. “Alright, where to begin… I know about the whole Constants idea, with their Collected Consciousness.” “Uh-huh, read it in your Log, matie!” “But what exactly was going on with that raven guy? And what was suppose to happen?”

“Ooo! Chaos Talk. Y’vonne, be a dear, and lay down some exposition for me.” The Doctor said, pointing at Y’vonne. “Well, the Omni is not very easy for anyone to predict. Things just happen, and there is little we can do about it. I am presuming that Jetter and The Doctor had no clue he was even in existence.” “Good job Y’vonne! Go get a chocolate chip cookie, they’re still warm!” Her magenta eyes sprung open, as she went over to one of the vending machines while sputtering out compliance.

I turned back to The Doctor. “So, you aren’t sure who that guy was. But who is this Jetter you mentioned? That guy in the suit who I met?” “Lay on some Maxpergers, you silly goose!” He interjected to Max. “Oh, Mista Jay is a really nice guy! But he’s a bit of a stiff one, kinda like you Nari-kun! He gives Doccie supplies to work with, if he does certain things for him. ‘Course, we never asked why. Said we needed to do 100 missions, and we’ve only done 90 or so. But we’s gettin’ there!”

I nodded, thinking that was the best Max could provide, as Y’vonne returned with a palm sized cookie, which she split into three pieces, and gave me one. It was a nice gesture, but everyone was quiet, so it ended up just feeling awkward. “Okay.” I said between bites of the quite tasty cookie. “But could you explain the immense pain I had to feel?” The Doctor then looked down, presumably because he didn’t find the subject fun. “Well, you actually have reduced pain, but it is only reduced. Be thankful that you were even able to live after that. Your Host was basically dead, and if not for the rejuvenation potion and armor Max turned into, you’d have died far sooner, and far more painfully.”

Nothing like thinking something to be the worst, and being told it was actually not that bad. I just stayed silent, until The Doctor spoke again. “Well, I could go for some fun! And we should be near the destination pretty soon. But we’ve got a while. Y’vonne and Max, you two go and show Nari around our humble abode.” Max jumped with glee as he clenched Y’vonne’s hand along with my own. Both me and Y’vonne kinda shrugged at each other as Max was cackling like a banshee.

Starting at my room, which was immediately outside of the Rec Room, Max began to shove my face into things while breathlessly talking about how amazing they were. Starting with his room, which was prefaced by a little blackboard with “Maxxisaurus’ Room” written in colored chalk. The room itself had walls that were completely covered by pictures of dogs of every breed, except for one that was covered by pictures of water, or what looked like it. With the only untainted area being a red race car bed Upon questioning this, Max began to feverishly list down all the information about the dogs, at least for ten seconds before I started to shake him, causing his attention to go towards the pictures of water.

“What? Dontcha recognize Raiyne? You were there! You’re her Unkie Nari!” I groaned, briefly forgetting how Max, or rather Maxxi gave birth to a child made of water. “Wait, so are you even taking care of her? I’m glad she’s water, because you’d probably drop her.” I said, being a bit insensitive, but Max seemed to agree with me about the whole dropping thing. “Yep! I dropped her thrice after an hour. She’s a slippery little girl! But Doc’s workin’ on something to help out! He mentioned aging her quicker, so she can actually do stuff. Well, she can, like possess our ice creams!”

Shrugging off the incompetent parent that Max would be, I took the chance to talk about food. “So, do we even need to eat anymore. I mean, the last thing I remember tasting in… ever. Was that cookie.” Max was about to spout out another one of her explanations, but instead pointed to Y’vonne, who was behind me and raising her hand. “Well, Nari. We pretty much just eat because it is fun. The Doctor has nutrients in the air, so we just get them by breathing. But if we want to taste stuff, we can go to the food car, or use the vending machines in the Rec Room.”

“Alright.” I replied, but not finished with getting some fundamentals out of the way. “I get that we sleep, or at least our bodies do during Shifts. But what about expelling waste, bathing, or even exercise?” “Nope!” Was Max’s response. “None of that poopy stuff! Just go and have fun, but we’ve still go to go to Y’vonne’s room!” Which made Y’vonne turn a bit indigo afterwards, but before I could decline, Max pushed us out, and into a door with, “Y’vonne’s Chamber” written in cursive into marble.

Y’vonne’s room was fairly minimalistic. It kept the same style of the slick metallic outer areas, and had an entire wall replaced with a window showing the worlds drifting along our train, with shimmerings stars acting as the primary light source. Beyond that, there was a mattress with white sheets, and a nightstand with a drawer. “Um…” Y’vonne murmured. “There is not much of note in my room. Just a nice window, bet there are plenty of those in the next car.” Max seemed disappointed, but I understood her wishes, she had a right to privacy and all that junk.

I recalled the car after the one with the bedrooms to be an infirmary of sorts, but it looked to be nothing. Just a bunch of the same sleek metal as the hallway. But Max spoke out once more. “This is out playroom. But it sometimes becomes the serious room, like when having Raiyne, but it was fun for me!” It was very uncanny to hear a man talk about giving birth. Or maybe that is me just being close minded. Who knows what the ever changing standard for this place is?

Max then went near the door we entered from, and started typing things in. Changing the metal room into a beach, complete with a small pool for three and clear blue sky, or at least ceiling. The inside of a moon bounce, because why not? And the hospital room that it looked like earlier. “Alright, I get the gist of it.” I said, secretly hoping Max would not make the images of dogs seem tame in comparison to his room. “So, what’s in the next room?” I asked, seeing as how I couldn’t see any doors other than the entrance I took.

“Actually, there are pretty much just three rooms. We really only need two anyhow, but The Doctor was dead set on making a Rec Room.” Answered Y’vonne as she straightened out her tunic. “Well, I distinctly remember him asking me to explore, so there must be more than one other car.” I pointed out, though it was a bit ruder than I intended. “But Y’vonne, we got four more train cars! But they’re pretty boring. Too many doohickies, thingamajigs, dangleducks, pumblooms, and Pooters.”

I have no idea why they thought saying that there were a lot of odd things would ever divert someone’s attention, so I began to search for a door along the wall opposite of my entrance. After Y’vonne flustered about due to my actions, the wall began to rise, revealing an insane amount of junk crammed into a train car. All blinking, and emitting smoke and steam, while being sprayed by a light blue liquid. I literally had no clue what anything in there was suppose to do, so I just looked at it, baffled by the very sight.

“Um… what am I even looking at?” I muttered, before realizing that it was not too abnormal compared to combustible ravens or Rhino-men. “I dunno!” Shrugged Max. “Methinks it to be a generator for all the diddly-bops, but it could be one big latte maker!” But before I thought of going back and asking The Doctor, he called us over some unseen intercom system.

“Will the Trinity of Righteousness please report to their rooms, so I may emit the sleeping gas? Turns out, I made a miscalculation, and the Omni compressed a bit. And trust me, this one will be a blast! Peace Out!” We all shrugged towards each other, and Max, Y’vonne, and I all walked back to our rooms, not entirely sure how to end the conversation we were having, because we were needed at something similar to a job.

Reprising in our respective rooms, I know that at least for me, I layed down on my bed, and fell unconscious within a minute. But if my past two experiences were any indication, there is not a ton of fun to be had. I hope that I’ll be proven wrong.

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