Disclaimer: This novel contains adult material including sexual themes and strong language. This work is not suitable for minors. Reader discretion is advised.
Session 12: Dark Dreams Develop Despair
Upon exiting Oransen High, we went to Maxxie’s car and all took our current bodies’ usual seat, expecting that we would switch back before we left school property. Maxxie(J) had Zoe(M) open up the glove compartment and pull out the VD using the keys that were on her original body’s person, and we were all back to normal in a matter of seconds.
“Now that… Now that everybody is in their appropriate bodies, do I need to remind you about how I would like for you all to provide a write-up of your experience in each other’s bodies?” Zoe asked, clearing out his throat as he adjusted back to his original voice.
“Yeah, yeah. No need to remind us. How long does this need to be?” Maxxie grumbled.
“Ideally it would be just one or two pages, but feel free to say anything you want us to know about the experience,” Zoe explained.
“Didn’t we already talk about all that stuff?” Maxxie replied with a sigh.
“This is ultimately an experiment, and in an experiment, you should not simply casually look over the results, you need to approach the situation as scientifically as possible. And besides, you already agreed to this.” Zoe pointed out.
“Okay, okay, whatever you say, Dr. Xing…” Maxxie mumbled as she drove out of the parking lot.
“However, I still feel that we should have discussions about our experiences prior to writing, so I must ask you all, how do you all feel, returning to your own bodies?” Zoe asked specifically Shiaka and myself.
I took a minute to ponder Zoe’s question. I certainly felt a lot bigger. I was still a pretty scrawny person, but I felt far less like I would be brushed aside by a strong enough breeze. Everything was reset to normal, but as I stared at my hands and saw myself in the rearview mirror, I couldn’t help but feel that something was off, and I had absolutely no clue what. Perhaps I was just processing how what I viewed as normal truly was not normal for most other people, and gained a greater understanding for how different the individual truly was, or something like that, I don’t know. I did not ponder that idea in enough detail before I responded with a very short and blasé answer.
“I’m pretty sure everybody feels right as rain, but they’re just a teensy bit hungry. Am I on the ball, or did I fall off it and get rolled over?” Maxxie asked Shiaka and me.
“I would say so,” Shiaka chimed in. “I guess being back in my body does make the whole experience more… unreal when looking back at it. As if it was just part of a very realistic and detailed dream.”
“I’ve gone back and forth a couple of times now, so I’m pretty much used to it, I’d say,” I added.
“Yeah, I guess so. I’ve been in your bod for what, a full day now?” Maxxie asked me, briefly taking her eyes off the road.
“More than that, I’d say. I’m actually surprised that you were fine with being me for a day at school.” I said with a mild grin.
“Eh, it was a bit dull, but I feel a bit closer to you after trudging through it. I mean, our Social Link’s been maxed out at level ten for years now, but if there’s any way to bring it to eleven, this is probably it.” Maxxie said, comparing our relationship to those found in the Persona games.
Shortly after that last bit, Maxxie began dropping off Shiaka, Zoe, and eventually myself, waving goodbye, and saying she’d keep her body warm for me, in more ways than one. I sighed as she drove off and went inside my house. I was promptly greeted by my mother, and after exchanging pleasantries, I walked up to my bedroom where I began to eat my lunch at about 15:45.
After doing my usual after-school ritual of checking through my usual sites RSS feeds, I then got to work on my write up for my day as Shiaka and my performance as her. Doing that, it… It got me thinking about myself a lot. How I felt I put in the least effort of anyone in impersonating the person I appeared to be. How I really fit in amongst people I have considered to be my friends for several years.
Zoe was this incredibly diligent person who pretty much always had a level head, and would never blindly rush into so much as a conversation without having planned things through. He is a very intelligent young man who was born into a poor family, his father died when he was 5-years-old, and his mother busted her ass trying to raise him. At least until Maxxie’s family gave her a well-paying job that she was proficient at. He’s been through some shit, and he is such a well-balanced person because of that.
Shiaka… I already talked about what she went through when she was a child, but while most people would be just completely, utterly destroyed by that, either removing themselves from society or outright killing themselves, she never lost her resolve. She’s become so much more comfortable around all of us, people in general, since she was the January girl who ran away whenever somebody tried talking to her. On top of that, she is such a smart little delight, and when it comes to pretty much anything having to do with technology or computers, she knows her stuff. I mean, her programming skills are pretty impressive for someone her age, and she’s been making games, small little prototypes mostly, since sixth grade.
Maxxie… She is such a fun and weird person who I honestly cannot imagine life without. She does have a bit of an organizational problem, but the fact that she can be so dedicated to something and produce such amazing illustrations or digital paintings, it makes me feel like the most incompetent and worthless sack of fucking shit in the world. She has a following of about four thousand people at this point, but she’s not in it for anything but the craft, and is so open and easygoing to all those who comment on her work, trying to be as nice as she can to people who give her the time of day, it just…
I feel like I don’t deserve to be her best friend. The idea of being in her body again, of having her trust me to that extent, it honestly made me feel a bit ill as I began pontificating about it in more detail. I felt this disgusting flavor of guilt when I was unable to go about her wishes to masturbate in her body, and I hated myself for lacking the style and grace she flaunted so effortlessly in handling her sister’s confession of being transgender…
And Terra, her ability to be so strong and tell somebody about something that is just so…
Jad… are you okay?
Oh yeah, I just have tears flowing down my face as I recall the sense of worthlessness I felt as I realized that my friends are all far better people than me! Compared to them, I’m just a piece of festering fecal matter littering this planet, contributing to all of its fucking problems! I’ve never fucking been better!
I— I’m sorry if that was the wrong thing to say… I— I really don’t talk to a lot of people, but, I… I’m sorry about this Jad. I— I should just leave.
Verde? *Sniff* I— I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings… Yeah, I am the worst. The. Fucking. Worst!
I wasn’t as vulgar about my despair at the time, I was just sad, and wandered to bed at about 21:00, hoping I could sleep this depression away. Instead, I had a dream. I don’t often have dreams and… the last one I can remember involves the BBC recycling coffee cups and coffee in order to save their nation from being bought by the Dutch. There was also a little girl in a lobster outfit who shouted, “SIDS, Aurora.” So, yeah, they’re mostly nonsense. The one I had that night placed me in Maxxie’s original body— not that it was the first dream I ever had where I was Maxxie, but, you know…
I was talking to a very tall woman, with a dark skin tone, short but distinctly feminine hair, wearing a suit. She kept asking me questions, which made no sense, stuff like “would you do the borders by next day?” and “if free radical conception is only theoretical, what shape and color will it manifest itself as?” You know, nonsense that I responded to with more nonsense. “Needn’t we borrow ourselves one dark Nippon burger?” and “if we are not oneself can there be a Tuesday?” These nonsense answers for dream people were apparently not the ones this dream woman wanted, as she laughed whenever I said them.
Eventually, she pulled a mirror from her cleavage, which she used to point back at me, revealing Maxxie’s face. But when this dream woman looked at me through this mirror, she threw a temper tantrum like a small child, bashing her shoes against the floor, and grabbing my naked body by the neck. She then began to tear my skin off of my body, latching her hands on my lips, and pulling them until my gums snapped apart. I shrieked as this happened, but was too stunned by the pain coursing through my body to fight back against my attacker as I felt a layer of skin rip away from my person.
Once that one layer was gone, this woman cast it aside and latched onto my hand, moving it towards my field of vision, where I saw the same hand that I knew for most of my life. After realizing that much, the woman lifted me off the ground and began to lock her eyes with mine, giving me ample time to gaze as the discomforting shade of crimson her irises possessed. I then found myself on the floor once more, the woman shoving one of her feet into my mouth, jamming it, along with the rest of her body, through my innards.
It was all a bizarre and surreal sensation at the time, but looking back, it was clear what she was trying to do. Trying to wedge herself into my person, between my bones and organs, in order to wear my body like a suit, much like I had worn Maxxie’s. As she narrowly fit her legs into my own, and her portions seemingly mutated, I lost all control of my being, unable to do anything but feel and perceive the world around me as she finished shoving her body inside mine.
It was then that I began to stand up, not by my own fruition, by that woman’s. As I tried to comprehend what had just happened, my attention was drawn elsewhere by a familiar voice. It was Maxxie. She was waving at me, clearly seeing the person before her as Jad, but I was, of course, not in control of my body, or the actions that this unnamed woman made next. At first, she seemed cordial, waving back to Maxxie and walking up to her. However, once the two grew within arm’s length, the woman lept at Maxxie, pinning her against the ground, where she bit open Maxxie’s throat.
As Maxxie realized what was happening, she cried out in pain, and then… then I woke up in a cold sweat, nervous, unsure of what had happened and, at the same time, eager to forget whatever the hell I had subjected myself to. That is until you reinvigorated my memories.
No comment, Verde? Fine. I guess I’ll just finish this story without you. Not like there’s much left to cover.
Verde’s Doohickey Main Page
Session 01: Re;Birth.exe
Session 02: Osananajimi;Myself
Session 03: Maximum Flare
Session 04: The World of Girl Love
Session 05: It’s Slippery When Wet
Session 06: T-Girl Trouble
Session 07: All The Warriors
Session 08: A School-Style Swap
Session 09: School Daze
Session 10: Starred Social Links
Session 11: Finer Foreshadowing
Session 12: Dark Dreams Develop Despair
Session 13: Back 2 Best Girl
Session 14: Can’t Even Shine In A Prism
Session 15: Maxxie Mit Melancholy
Session 16: The Long Walk Home
Session 17: Obtuse Origins – Omega Overdrive
Natalie Rambles About Verde’s Doohickey